April 11, 2010

Feeling really low

I don't know what is wrong with me! I have this ball of fury inside me right now. I am just constantly angry and it is directed towards my husband. I end up saying mean things to him or screaming at him which just makes me more angry that I acted that way. I feel like I can't even calm down.

If only I could have a couple of hours to myself to just calm down and relax for a little bit I think I might feel a little better. I just can't get that every day though. I feel like I am at the end of my rope and have no where to turn to. I am weak and have no one to talk to.

I have this feeling like everyone looks down on me and that I should just suck it up because maybe everyone else feels just as bad as I do but are way better at keeping it inside.

Ever since I got out of the Navy I have been wondering what my purpose is and what I should be doing with my time. I am constantly busy with Aiden and trying my hardest to keep the house clean but fail everyday. Then my husband comes home and I get this feeling that he thinks my day was cake and I should just continue the parenting on my own and let him rest or play games.

I have this constant pressure put on me that I should be the one doing everything around the house even when my partner is at home because he works and I don't therefore I don't deserve any time alone. I feel like I hate him which makes me hate myself because I want to be that perfect wife who adores her husband and will go to the ends of the earth to do anything for her family... right now I just want to get away from it all.

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