May 28, 2010

My Darkest Hour

Early Monday morning I woke Aiden up to feed him popsicles and have him drink lots of water. We had only an hour before he wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything. Little did he know he would be going into surgery soon. He rarely gets popsicles, let alone for breakfast. I got down on my knees to explain that he was going to the hospital. Aiden got excited, I said, "You are going to have surgery honey, and when you get out you will have owies." "Oh" he said.

While we were talking to the anesthesiologist Aiden heard him mention the popsicle room he would be going to afterward. Aiden was so excited to know he was getting more popsicles. After talking to the doctors I took Aiden back to the operating room. As soon as he saw the room he was scared, Aiden knew there weren't popsicles waiting for him here. Aiden clung to my leg. I showed him the warm little air bed that he was going to lay on and the wheel he was going to play with. Aiden loosened his grip on my leg. I picked him up and set him on the operating table. The doctor suggested we sing a song so Aiden would calm down. Everyone in the room started singing The Wheels on the Bus while Aiden had a mask forced onto his face. His eyes told me he was frightened. I was having such a hard time keeping from choking up. Finally he fell asleep and the nurses picked up his lifeless body to lay it on the table as another nurse grabbed my arm and led me out to the hallway where Matt was waiting.

When I returned to Matt's side he asked if Aiden cried. I slowly shook my head no and then sobs began to shake from me. Matt tried to console me but I wouldn't let him. I yelled at him, "It should have been you in there!" We both knew it had to be me though.  It was so scary to see Aiden so helpless. That image of his limp little body will always be in my head.

The good news is Aiden is feeling great now. He is running, jumping and climbing like any little boy would. He never did go to a popsicle room, but I made up for that when we got home. I let him eat the whole box of popsicles!