Ten for 2010 Update!

Here are ten things I would like to do before the end of 2010. They seem easy enough and I will cross them off my list as I complete them.

1. Organize the Kitchen and Dining Room

2. Sew a dress for myself

3. Take a photography class

4. Pay off one credit card

5. Have a date night with Matt at least once a month

6. Refinish my patio table

7. Grow some vegetables  (I have 4 tomatoes growing!)

8. Put $1000.00 into savings

9. Redecorate the living room

10. Take Aiden to Sea World

This Moment

This is my moment, a new ritual I wanted to start. Just a picture from this week capturing a moment that means something to me. Something I would like to remember for years to come.

Day 8 Beliefs

I have never fully read the Bible. Just so you know I don't know everything I should, but here is a little bit from my writing challenge.

"I just don't see God turning His back on anyone. Gay or Straight. I believe is it us who lose sight of God or turn our backs on Him. I believe that God is by our side through all our decisions, good or bad. He is there waiting for us to turn to Him and ask Him for guidance..." 

A Step Closer to Finding Myself

Today felt great. I didn't end up doing yoga because of a busy day but I made sure to do my writing. I am glad I did that.

"Amber, I just wanted to tell you how much I love and adore you. I only wish that I could come out and show you. I hope that you find yourself soon. Love, me"

Yes, I wrote that to myself. Yes, it may seem cheesy but it certainly made my day worth while.

Am I up to the Challenge?

So I happen to stumble upon this website and she is hosting a writer's challenge. This challenge is for 21 days, 5 days a week I will be doing yoga and every day I have to write 800 words. It sounds to me like I could get something out of this.

I feel like between marriage and a child I have lost myself. I closed myself off and concentrated on making my husband and son happy. Don't get me wrong, I love to see them smile, I just wish there was something more. All that is left in me is anger and regret and I want the happiness back. Maybe having a set amount to journal could help me find the emotion and passion that is missing from my life.

I just happened to buy a new Jillian Michaels yoga video the other day so that is where I started this morning. I started off fine and then Aiden decided he needed a drink at that very moment so I got him one. Then I went back to the video and Aiden followed right under me flopping like a crappy while I'm in downward dog. I didn't last more than 10 minutes with Jillian and I was shaking but I felt so good.

As for the journaling, that is a lot harder for me to accomplish when I need to play trains or save Aiden from a dragon. In between writing and throwing a little bouncy ball into hyper activeness? I managed to pull out 800 words. I feel pretty proud of myself. I am not sure why I didn't just wait until Aiden's nap.

Here is a piece of what I wrote,
"I don't really understand my need to be alone. Possibly because it has been over three years since I have had any time to myself. Literally, not a day to myself. I think if I did have a day alone I would be very lonely. Ha ha, wow, I guess that isn't something I am prepared for. What would I do if I were alone for a day?"

This Moment

This is my moment, a new ritual I wanted to start. Just a picture from this week capturing a moment that means something to me. Something I would like to remember for years to come.

This Moment

This is my moment, a new ritual I wanted to start. Just a picture from this week capturing a moment that means something to me. Something I would like to remember for years to come.

My Darkest Hour

Early Monday morning I woke Aiden up to feed him popsicles and have him drink lots of water. We had only an hour before he wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything. Little did he know he would be going into surgery soon. He rarely gets popsicles, let alone for breakfast. I got down on my knees to explain that he was going to the hospital. Aiden got excited, I said, "You are going to have surgery honey, and when you get out you will have owies." "Oh" he said.

While we were talking to the anesthesiologist Aiden heard him mention the popsicle room he would be going to afterward. Aiden was so excited to know he was getting more popsicles. After talking to the doctors I took Aiden back to the operating room. As soon as he saw the room he was scared, Aiden knew there weren't popsicles waiting for him here. Aiden clung to my leg. I showed him the warm little air bed that he was going to lay on and the wheel he was going to play with. Aiden loosened his grip on my leg. I picked him up and set him on the operating table. The doctor suggested we sing a song so Aiden would calm down. Everyone in the room started singing The Wheels on the Bus while Aiden had a mask forced onto his face. His eyes told me he was frightened. I was having such a hard time keeping from choking up. Finally he fell asleep and the nurses picked up his lifeless body to lay it on the table as another nurse grabbed my arm and led me out to the hallway where Matt was waiting.

When I returned to Matt's side he asked if Aiden cried. I slowly shook my head no and then sobs began to shake from me. Matt tried to console me but I wouldn't let him. I yelled at him, "It should have been you in there!" We both knew it had to be me though.  It was so scary to see Aiden so helpless. That image of his limp little body will always be in my head.

The good news is Aiden is feeling great now. He is running, jumping and climbing like any little boy would. He never did go to a popsicle room, but I made up for that when we got home. I let him eat the whole box of popsicles!

Making Fabric

I have started making prints for quilting. I have made robot, fly and pansy prints ( I know quit the combo). I don't have any for sale yet but I can't wait to order the pink flies and see what it really looks like in person.

This picture just doesn't do the print justice. The flies are super small and the design is really neat. I don't know how to work everything yet so this is the only picture I could get.

Four Good Things

1. I am so happy that Aiden isn't afraid of swimming. Yesterday we spent 3 hours at the pool and Aiden had no problem walking into the big pool by himself.

2. I have planted tomatoes in a pot so far and I am looking forward to fresh tomatoes on my sandwiches.

3. I finally have my car back. It has been in the shop for about two weeks getting the bumper repaired and my husband kept having to work late so we couldn't pick it up. Anyways, I was thinking about selling it because I don't feel like we really need it but now that I have seen it again I fell back in love with my car. I should take a picture of it. My car is the most beautiful blue...

4. My husband is the greatest. Although he cannot keep a secret. Matt has already shown me a picture of the necklace he bought me off of ETSY for mothers day. I love that website and he remembered! He has also been showing me more love by giving lots of hugs, something that completely calms me when I am angry and comforts me always.                                                                                                                                                                            

Ten for 2010

Here are ten things I would like to do before the end of 2010. They seem easy enough and I will cross them off my list as I complete them.

1. Organize the Kitchen and Dining Room

2. Sew a dress for myself

3. Take a photography class

4. Pay off one credit card

5. Have a date night with Matt at least once a month

6. Refinish my patio table

7. Grow some vegetables

8. Put $1000.00 into savings

9. Redecorate the living room

10. Take Aiden to Sea World

This Moment

This is my moment, a new ritual I wanted to start. Just a picture from this week capturing a moment that means something to me. Something I would like to remember for years to come.

What an amazing child!

So it seems that I have forgotten the blogger world for a little bit. My migraines have taken over and I cannot think straight. I have been trying the homeopathic route since none of the prescriptions did anything for me other than make me drowsy. So far it works most of the time. It is called Hyland's Migraine Headache Relief.

On another note, Aiden has taken up photography at 2 1/2 years old! He is quite good in my eyes. Don't you think so?

My Great Friday

Today was a great day! I can't believe it but that is the first time I can say that in forever. I feel like nothing went wrong. Really I lost my temper a couple of times. Matt even said that he loved me today because I wasn't a total bitch. I kind of chuckle at that because I totally understand how he feels when I am constantly nagging or yelling at him.

So today we took in the Pontiac to get it appraised... $800 bucks! That is just to replace a bumper. When I think about it though it isn't all that bad. Except we have to pay $500 of that. YIKES! Sorry dealership, I don't have that kind of cash laying around. I guess you can keep my car an extra few days till I get paid.

After we were done at the dealership we headed back to Matt's work. They were having a command picnic. We both figured that after the picnic everyone would head home. No such luck! They had to stay an extra two hours. I am glad that there was a park right next door to the base.

Aiden spent most of that two hours running up and down midget hills. He had his arms out in front of him like a zombie, his face towards the sky running while making this UGHHH guhguhguh sound. I could not stop laughing!

Later on, after Matt got off of work, we headed out to eat realizing once we got there we forgot Aiden's backpack (the diaper bag). Matt thought no big deal. So I had him check and sure enough there was a mess. Good thing that Target was near by. Aiden needed a new backpack anyway because the straps were ripping on his old one. We bought a small pack of diapers and wipes, Aiden picked out a Toy Story backpack and we were good to go.

After we ate, Matt bought tickets to Disney Nature Oceans. We were able to sit through maybe one third of the movie but it was awesome. Our mistake was letting Aiden have some candy... that boy had ants in his pants...

The good news is that Aiden went right to sleep when we put him in bed. I am so happy that family outings are much easier than they used to be. I am also happy because I let it be a great day. I think that is a key thing for me. I have to remember to let it be a great day.

Four Good Things

I got Four Good Things from Pancakes&Frenchfries. I thought it would be a good thing for me considering I seem to always focus on the negative. I will try to do this on fridays and tuesdays so I remember all I have to be thankful for. I guess this blog really is mostly for me to be able to look back and see all of the great (and sometimes bad) things that have been happening in my life.

1. It's sunny outside! This is the first time all week. It has been cold and rainy so Aiden hasn't been able to go outside. Aiden has been going insane which has been driving me insane! I hope it stays sunny all day :)

2. My car is going into the shop today to get the bumper fixed. I really don't want to pay a $500 deductible, but whatever. I honestly am not sure how the deductible works. Anyway, I can't wait to have the bumper repainted because it was chipping before Matt backed into a car.

3. Wednesday was a really rough day for me. Aiden screamed all day to go outside. Since I wouldn't let him he kept getting his stool out and climbing up on it to get into everything in the kitchen. So all day I was constantly chasing after him and cleaning up EVERYTHING he would knock over. Then he wouldn't take a nap... UGH! Well Matt came home and made my night perfect. He took Aiden with him to the grocery store and was gone for an hour. He came back with a pot of purple mums and (my favorite) cheetos puffs. I started crying, he made my night.

4. I have started drawing again. I took up a fascination with robots and started drawing them. Then I remembered that I could put my drawings onto things like shoes and shirt at zazzle. So I have a few things on there now. I think the kids robot shoes turned out pretty well considering I don't have any type of art editor on my computer. All I did was copy and scan my drawings and put them together in a pattern. They are definitely not contenders with most of the cool artwork in there but I love them and think I will buy a pair of robot shoes for Aiden.

I can't wait to get my drawing of Spiderman on there!

Project Plant: A Little Earth Day Fun!

Tomorrow is Earth Day so I thought that I would help Aiden understand how things grow. There is a section in his preschool book that is all about plants and the cycle they go through. I know he didn't understand it all but I know that he liked planting seeds! It was so fun to watch how carefully he put the dirt into the bucket. When he spilled a little Aiden said, "uh-oh mess"!
 

I have been so scared to do these types of things with Aiden because I really don't like messes and I know it is starting to rub off on him. Seeing the look of concentration and joy on his face is priceless and I am glad that I did this with Aiden.

Shampoo Free

My hair is thin, it breaks easily and I have a thick layer of flaky skin on the back of my head. My hair has always been that way. My main reason for trying this recipe out is because I saw that it might eliminate the dry itchy spots.  This recipe starts with a baking soda solution wash and then a rinse of apple cider vinegar. Easy household supplies. I love it!

Day 1
Babyslime says that I shouldn't have to wash my hair everyday if I go no-poo. My question is do I wash my hair first and then use the baking soda solution?
Well, I hopped into the shower and started pouring the baking soda solution over my head and massaging it into my scalp. I let it sit for a few minutes before rinsing it out. Now my question was do I rinse it out with the apple cider vinegar solution or with water first? I went with a quick rinse in the shower and then poured the vinegar solution and massaged that into my scalp. I don't know yet but it seems my hair is taking a lot longer to dry? I think it has been over an hour and I have pretty short hair.
Now that my hair is dry it feels a lot cleaner and not as dry as it usually is after I shampoo and condition it. I will definitely keep trying this!

http://babyslime.livejournal.com/174054.html


P.S. I have no clue how to add links!

Better than the last

This weekend was great! Yes, I was crabby again but not as bad as last weekend. This weekend my husband was an angel to me.

Saturday my husband let me be by myself and I actually got to scrapbook for the first time since before Aiden was born. I felt great! The page didn't turn out very well but at least I got to sit in pure quiet for an hour. We also went for a bike ride to that park I found. Aiden and I swung on the tire swing and my husband started to get sick watching us spin around. Before I new it the sun was starting its decent so we headed back home to get Aiden ready for bed.

Sunday I was so proud of us for getting to church at 8 am. This is the second week in a row. May I mention that we don't go to church often. I am hoping to make 8 am church regular. I feel great going early in the morning when my mind is fresh. Pastor Miles is a great speaker and we both enjoy the environment. It was a perfect warm sunny day and I bothered my husband almost all day to go to the pool. We went before lunch and our pool key wouldn't work! After Aiden's nap I asked to try again and if not the hubby could just jump over the fence. This time our key worked! We only had about 10 minutes of sun and the wind started to blow the clouds over. It got so chilly but Aiden didn't seem to mind. He swam around the big pool with his floaties on. Once he got out he couldn't stop shivering. I thought that I would have a hard time coaxing him to leave. As soon as I mentioned there was a towel waiting for him he was over by the stroller ready to go. I also made lemon bars but those didn't turn out to my liking. I overworked the crust and then didn't put it in the fridge so the middle was runny. I am thinking of making a strawberry pie later on this week. We will see!

Four Good Things

1. It's Friday! Meaning my husband should be home soon and has the weekend off. I can't wait to spend some time with him. I know I said I hate him but I really do love him and am glad that I have another weekend to do better than the last.

2. I found a new park to take Aiden to and it gives me walking time. I get a total of 2.5 miles in! So hopefully I will keep this up every day. Aiden really seems to love this park, I don't care where we go as long as I can walk there. I love the fact that this park has a tire swing! I haven't seen one of these since I was little.

3. I mailed off letters to my mom and sister. They don't have great service where they live so write letters back and forth. Plus, a letter is so much more personal.

4. It's nap time. I love this hour of quiet. Sometimes I let Aiden sleep a little longer just because I am not ready to let go of the quiet. Maybe I can get some work in on the Post Office side of Aiden's fort.

Feeling really low

I don't know what is wrong with me! I have this ball of fury inside me right now. I am just constantly angry and it is directed towards my husband. I end up saying mean things to him or screaming at him which just makes me more angry that I acted that way. I feel like I can't even calm down.

If only I could have a couple of hours to myself to just calm down and relax for a little bit I think I might feel a little better. I just can't get that every day though. I feel like I am at the end of my rope and have no where to turn to. I am weak and have no one to talk to.

I have this feeling like everyone looks down on me and that I should just suck it up because maybe everyone else feels just as bad as I do but are way better at keeping it inside.

Ever since I got out of the Navy I have been wondering what my purpose is and what I should be doing with my time. I am constantly busy with Aiden and trying my hardest to keep the house clean but fail everyday. Then my husband comes home and I get this feeling that he thinks my day was cake and I should just continue the parenting on my own and let him rest or play games.

I have this constant pressure put on me that I should be the one doing everything around the house even when my partner is at home because he works and I don't therefore I don't deserve any time alone. I feel like I hate him which makes me hate myself because I want to be that perfect wife who adores her husband and will go to the ends of the earth to do anything for her family... right now I just want to get away from it all.